On May 3, I completed the BMO Half Marathon in Vancouver, BC. This would be my third half marathon (and my second in-person, after some world event turned the 2020 Scotiabank Half into a virtual race 🤔).

I finished with an official time of 2:08:41, which was a 17 minute and 19 second improvement over my most recent race effort at that distance (2020). Further, I had yet to have any children the last time I raced, and now I have two! I wish I could say I was happy with my effort, but man … I wanted that PB.

I ran my first half at 23 horribly undertrained (admittedly after an entire youth of excellent athleticism) and managed a 2:03:14. This time, I trained for the full 12-week block, running up to 5x a week (and getting up before 6 AM for a lot of it!) I improved a lot since I had last been running long distance (and had done a lot of physio since), and I knew it was pretty unrealistic … but I still wanted it. I started getting really fast in the final 4 weeks of training and I thought maybe I could pull it off - with a really good day.

Additionally, June 6 of this year will mark 10 years since I catastrophically broke my leg at a roller derby practice, so I wanted that PB as a triumph of how far I’ve come. I was writing the caption to the Instagram post in my head … but it was not to be.

Two things killed me here: the hills and the heat. Truthfully, even in flat and cooler conditions it would have been a stretch, but I was not prepared for the up and down, up and down over the last 8km. The last few uphills I was barely moving - I had nothing left. And the heat - my god. Vancouver broke a 128-year-old record that day, so needless to say I was not used to running in that heat. About halfway through the race I realized I should adjust my goal from PB to finishing, as each kilometre revealed more and more people resorting to walking.

The last half of the race was pretty close to torture - fortunately, I do a lot of coached guided runs with the Nike Run Club app, and had recently completed one that had extensively talked about your mindset. Every time I heard the voice in my head say “I’m really struggling” or “I’m not gonna make it”, I short-circuited the thought:

“We got this.”

“You were made to do hard things.” (this one I took from Sam Sanchez of Apple+ Fitness)

Anyway, after 2 hours, 8 minutes and 41 seconds of what I can only decribe as punishing and relentless suffering, I finished my race where my friends were waiting for me (as they had finished like 15 minutes before me). The final stretch I really had to throttle myself, as it was very clear I was pushing to the point of fainting. I finished with absolutely nothing in the tank, so I can’t really be too upset about that.

But I was upset about that. I was really upset (once I finally caught my breath and stopped feeling like I was about to vomit). I spent the next few days disappointed that all my training had amounted to what felt like nothing. I did keep telling myself that I would (and should) be proud.

Anyway, now I am. It just took some time. And I’m gonna PR in another race later this year (or write a mad blog post about not doing it.)